![]() ![]() You can’t solve a problem like Cersei, really - can you? Following the Battle of Blackwater, Cersei pushes her brother Tyrion out of his controlling position of Hand to the King upon the return of their father, Tywin. (Don’t you just feel terrible for Myrcella and Tommen?)Ĭersei: Oh Cersei. As for Tommen? He’s just hanging out, sitting back as the second in line to the Iron Throne, minding his own business - because he’s like, eight at this point and his mother couldn’t give less of a shit about him because he’s not Joffrey. Myrcella is currently in Dorne thanks to a marriage pact with the Martells. Tommen and Myrcella: The two youngest, uh, “Baratheon” children weren’t seen at all in season three, but it’s important to note where they’re at thus far. At the end of season three, we’re on the eve of his wedding to Margaery: what a catch! He continues to grow more petulant, sadistic, arrogant, and tyrannical by the day. After deciding that he doesn’t want to marry Sansa Stark anymore, Joff becomes putty in Margaery Tyrell’s - the former wife of Renly Baratheon, who was killed by Melissandre’s angry vagina smoke monster, remember? - hands. He’s big into crossbows now (I guess swords aren’t cool anymore/he’s probably too weak to handle one properly). He spent much of season three violently beating and killing people (like Ros) for funsies. Joffrey: It’s taking a lot of adult composure to not just write “JOFFREY IS THE WORST THE END” and have that be the only update, but alas, more has happened to King Joff than just his general terribleness. And yes, unfortunately, that bastard (ha!) brat Joffrey, the Justin Bieber of Westeros, is still the king. Ohh!) Anywho, the ruling family of Westeros is still, in Game of Thrones season three, a force not to be fucked with, since they always pay their debts. ![]() (You’d think Cersei was trying to pretend she was a Targaryen with that nonsense. Those evil, evil incest-loving Lannisters. Sansa had her eyes set on Loras Tyrell (you know, Renly Baratheon’s side piece/brother to Ren's then-queen, Margaery) and all the glory of Highgarden, but instead in the Red Keep she remains, a miserable captive of the “glamorous” lifestyle she’d wanted so long ago. Instead she ended up the miserable wife of Tyrion Lannister after giving up the opportunity to steal away to the Vale with Littlefinger. All she wants is to be a princess like in the stories. Sansa Stark: As for the other sister Stark? Well poor, naïve little Sansa is up shit creek without a paddle, really. Who know where the road will take her next, since - as far as she’s concerned/knows - she’s pretty much the last Stark left (save Sansa, but we all know how great their relationship was), and paling around with her former nemesis, The Hound. This makes her very upset! Still carrying the Braavosi coin given to her by Jaqen H’ghar, she uses it to murder her first-ever human (she’s growing up so fast, isn’t she?) - a Frey soldier on the road, mocking her now-dead family. But don’t get too worried about their passage: prior to crossing beyond the Wall they encountered Samwell Tarly, who gives them a few obsidian blades for the way to keep the White Walkers at bay.Īrya Stark: Everyone’s favorite scrappy and independent murderperson, Arya Stark, spent most of game of thrones season three trying to reconnect with her family only to show up at the Twins right at the end of the Red Wedding. Hodor straps Bran on his back as he and the Reeds head north in order to fulfill their duty and follow the vision that Jojen had and meet up with Bran’s elusive three-eyed raven. Osha’s way cool with this arrangement because she’s not trying to play with those White Walkers anymore. Once the boys reach The Gift, though (and just miss the Wildlings and Jon Snow!), Osha, Rickon, and Shaggydog are sent to House Umber a bit farther down south. At last, Bran has become aware of his warginess (a warg being someone who can enter the minds of animals and control their actions) and spends a lot of time running around through the eyes of his direwolf, Summer. ![]() Only…they encounter the super-siblings of House Reed, Jojen and Meera (allies of House Stark) instead, and their journey takes quite a turn. Bran and Rickon: Though believed to be dead by most of the important players involved (thanks to Theon Greyjoy’s little brat attack in season two - but more on him later…), Bran, Hodor, Rickon, and Osha head towards Castle Black to meet up with the Night’s Watch. ![]()
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